Friends, connections and thinking outside the box…….

I realized something today…sometimes you’ve gotta think outside the box..literally and figuratively.

I have been totally in love with the idea of “j” because he was the first person in a long time that saw who I was and still wanted to be friends no matter what. We weren’t talking and it was kinda of an weird situation..because I thought maybe I still had a chance with him..but I know now that he is happy in his current relationship no matter what I think about her and that we still can be friends because we do have alot in common and he wants me to be happy.

But I met someone online today..and here is where thinking outside the box comes into play..I met someone that lives in Massachusetts and maybe we live really far apart (me being here in California) but that really doesn’t mean anything if there is a true connection between two people because if there is then we can work it out..plus he said something about not liking the cold..

and in the end of all things lately..it means I’m moving on and forward..and that “j” and I will always be friends no matter what happens..because really we all need friends we can trust and ask advice about the opposite sex and hang out with and just be.

It was nice to talk to you again just about anything and everything 🙂

I changed my title but it didn’t work last night..lets see if its working now 🙂

tried something new with Radio but it didn’t work..gotta get to work..will try again tonight 🙂

however I did find the answer to mysubscriptions problem…will have to definetly work on that tonight

I’m still very much in love with you (you know who you are and I have no idea if you even read these posts to my weblog). I keep thinking that if I just stop thinking about what we had together or what might have been if you didn’t meet her then I would stop loving you…or maybe if only I could have been with you a little longer, it could have worked out. I still really don’t understand why you didn’t think we had the intellectual connection only a physical and emotional connection..I thought we connected on all levels and I may never know or totally understand that. At least I know I turned you on..thats the intense physical/emotional connection between us..I wonder if I still can. It still hurts that you didn’t want me. You aren’t responsible for my happiness but it still hurts and I wonder what I did wrong or why you didn’t feel the same way.

You know what sucks the most about the way I’m feeling. I didn’t come looking for you..you sorta just fell into my life. I didn’t think honestly think we could be more than friends but you said to give us a chance…so I did. I talked to you for a month before I met you because I wasn’t going to get hurt again. I wasn’t going to have sex with you right away because I didn’t want to get that emotionally involved right away..but the connection between us was so strong (at least for me) that I fell in love with you and I didn’t want you to know because you told me you were still dating other people and I didn’t want you to know that it hurt. And I know I asked stupid questions about us…which probably pushed you away but I honestly thought if I don’t push the idea…you and me could eventually be something more exclusive. I wasn’t going to fall in love. I wasn’t going to get hurt. You were and still are everything that I was looking for but didn’t know it.

I’m sorry that I have been bugging you lately with all these stupid programming questions(you’re right – I do know how to fix these things)..I guess I was trying to connect with you still and keep you in my life..but these one way emails(from me to you) are getting old. You are so caught up in your new girlfriend that there isn’t time for an ex-lover(I’m not sure what else to call what I am to you right now).

I saw her picture today on your blog and I realized that it’s not me (I actually think you’ll understand what I’m saying here – I can’t put it into words without it sounding bitchy and I don’t want you to be mad at me)

I still really want to try and be friends but maybe someday in the future when I can look at your picture and not cry. Or when I can see you two together and not hate her.

I wish it could have been us in those pictures. It still really hurts and I tired of pretending that I don’t hurt. I thought I found my soulmate, someone I could see being with for the rest of my life..you once asked me “did I ever have a lost love?” The answer is most definetly a yes now.

I miss our conversations. I miss hearing your voice. I miss kissing you. I miss you.

I will always love you.

Just tried the theme tool..lost all my work from yesterday and had to start over..teach me not to back up files before I start working on new things. Back to trying how to get my subscriptions centered. If this doesn’t work – defintely didn’t have the desired outcome I was looking for..hmm..need help.

I heard this new band Evanescence the other day..totally love the music..love her voice

I’ve been trying to figure out how to get my subscriptions section centered..no idea – I do know that its an image that has to be centered..I copied the source code into an html editor and figured out how to make it look the way I want by adding <p style=”text-align: left”> to the code…but how do I make the macro do that…??? I could ask a friend..but I think I’m bugging him, he says I’m not but I probably am. Its not like this code looks anything like javascript or vb script…if all else fails, I’ll just play with it when I use theme tool to make myself a new theme 🙂

“No dusty logic can divine the meaning of the sacred sign.” 
     – Goeth’s Faust

Staves of the Wyrd Rune reading for March 2003

Goddesses of Destiny..the three Wyrd Sisters (past, present & future)

past – isa  – ice – temporary cooling of a relationship, time of introspection in order to pull things together and find your point of gravity. time to give each other space..three days, three weeks or three months…(totally agree with this – this is my past beginning on February 5..3 days wasn’t long enough neither was three weeks…so three months…sometime in May)

present – ur – wild ox, bull – determined effort of will, denotes health issues and the healing forces at work within. The querenet will experience strength, good health and energy. Your focus, as well as your strong desire, shapes your circumstances and places you in a powerful position. A willful, even agressive attitude may be needed to defend your gains..must develop an enduring will to maintain and hold what you have established..rune of challenges and changes sometimes sudden or unexpected and often vital to your goals….indicates positive changes (totally see this as my present …definetly healing forces – my face completely broke out with painful acne – but the accutane is working. My job is being challenged..maybe changes for the better..)

future – cen – torch – depicts movement and change in your life..cen rune shows the birth of something whether a child or an idea – erotic energy..something is being transformed in a controlled way..this may be the recrafting of your life according to your true desire or the important enterprise you are seeking..no matter what is going on in your life things will get better..an opening is at hand through which you sail (hope this happens in my future..only time will tell…three months from my past..at least my accutane treatment will be completed by then..maybe a friendship will be reborn too…I like the idea of erotic energy)

I just had the most delicious dream….I was once asked if I’d had ever been kissed on my belly button from the inside out..hmmm..only in my dreams last night 🙂